Shakespeare-guy goodbye?


So yesterday I received an text from Shakespeare asking if “hey I haven’t heard from you in a while are still on for tomorrow?” Really??? Are we on for tomorrow’s show, where I introduce you to a friend of mine after not fearing from you all week following a brief TEXT exchange 2 days after our date. NO, we are NOT on for tomorrow, Asshole!! Of course, I didn’t respond with such honesty.. No… I chickened out and erased many of the original reactive responses ending up with.. “Sorry. No phone yesterday. No, I hadn’t heard from you all week so I made other plans.”

NOW, why did I have to lie about the phone? Well, the truth??  It made me sound better (or appear as if it sounded better) for not responding quicker since that was today and not within the “appropriate time-frame” for text etiquette. Why the struggle? Why care so much about what others think about me? I wish I didn’t feel so sensitive about it or could let go of the expectation or need to feel perfectly well-liked. I’M WORKING ON IT!!! the need to be more genuine and honest for me in my life!1 It’s not the way I’ve lived the last 37 years though the change is necessaary for me to live a more authentic truth. HIS response was “The phone works both ways, C-I’m confused with what happened with us?” ” NOW of course, placing the blame of the contact on me is NOt going to put me in a good place to start.

With my heart racing, anger building.. I take a breath and erase the first 5 notes I begin to text. I end up with… “When you have some time give a call and we can discuss as I’m sure there’s some confusion on both sides”. Breathe! An hour and a half later, I get a call from him, which I missed as I was out and about doing my thing. I called him back while I sat getting a free Mani after stumbling into heaven set for me only 4 days before my bday.. yea! Now I know full well that he is at work and from our last conversation, I found out that he doesn’t enjoy talking on the phone especially while AT work, which I can understand so after getting his VM since he has no reception in the office, I’ve decided to wait until he’s done before I try again. NOW this buys me some time, of course.. AND sitting in Bryant Park during coffee-happy-hour, sitting with a friend to hold ourselves accountable and actually do work, together, seems to be doing the job. It’s practicing the philosophy that I learned or am adopting into my routine is that of NEXT!

A healer-type person I see (energy chiropractor, dealing with energies and the central nervous system NSA and SRI-more on that another time) bestowed wisdom upon me which I have passed along to many following myself more times than not, right now, even though the “change” is sometimes a guttural struggle. She said to me, “think of dating as if you were clothes shopping. when you go to the store and walk up to the dress rack or the shirt/blouse rack you stand in front of it and with one hand you physically move along through the selections… ‘Next, Next, Next!’ If I gained 10 lbs, if I lost 5 lbs, if the buttons were different, the hem length, the color.. Next, Next, Next… If it was less money, a different color, the material was softer, too light, to heavy, Next, Next.. if I got it altered, if I altered myself, Next, NEXT, NEXT!!! NOW, think of it as if you had 30 minutes to get into the store, find the rack, try it on, pay and get on the road… You don’t have time to get it altered, alter yourself, change the color, price, collar or waste time contemplating whether it will fit better when you get it home, right? You move on! Most of the time you don’t think back on it in a day or two and if you do, maybe it’s still there and maybe not but for THIS event “your life” it has to fit for you in the moment, today! As IS! and if not… then… NEXT~! Move on and find one that does! NOW, this philosophy works it terms of dating, not as a superficial tool because nothing is going to be perfect but it has to work now, as is, for who you are, I am, we are and if not… no hard feelings, really. Nothing taken personally. It just doesn’t work, right now! Move on, NEXT!! I feel like I’m getting it more and more each time I move past, refuse to dwell or wonder what I’ve done or could have done, or why they didn’t or I didn’t feel the fit. Change is as easy as we allow it to be and in this moment.. I am looking to change myself to find a more relaxed, calm, happy me. For me and with me.

hang up or hang out


Not in the mood today to get hung up on! Toes guy has “extenuating circumstances” and was out last night with a friend instead of seeing me. Fine!! Just don’t keep dropping the call b/c you’re in the Vineyard with your “extenuating circumstances” and feel offended when I didn’t know you were coming so I didn’t make plans to see you and when you say you want to meet up with me… THEN make plans with someone else and think it’s OK to treat me like I’m second!! I will not act favorable to this treatment. and you will not be on top of the list of preferences to hang out with when I DO have time. I’m tired of being treated second and I think it’s getting to me today!! Received an email from Shakespeare asking how my new place was treating me, a text from Bra-girl asking about my move and I don’t really care for the last way I was treated by either of them so I’m not as excited to respond. To get hung up on, whether it’s the service or not??? THIS is NOT the DAY~ the anger pours out of me today!! And the hot chocolate and the energy session, gyrontronics class and walk in the cold rain just opened me up for vengeance! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!! My bday is next week and I can’t see that I want too many people around me at this point! tomorrow is a new day and everything is possible!! OH- and got another text from Gumba-guy

imagejpeg_3.jpg with the message: Here Chrissi try this. Good for ass itch. I use it all thhe time.

 

WTF??? Who the F is Chrissi and WHY does he still have my number??

Shakespeare again.. #5 to be exact…


So, ok… I walked again and was late… again.. SHOOT me! I called, I was 14 minutes late. It was f’n HOT… not to mention I moved to the Village today so I misjudged the time it would take to walk in heels.

He was less than pleased, sort of joking but I called him on it and apologized for being late. He said I’ve never been on time, which I corrected him that I was early 2 times.. well 1 time and on time 1 other on time and maybe he should plan things 15 minutes later and give me an earlier call time. I don’t mean it. He says I’m stubborn and HAVE to walk. I’m not sure that’s stubborn.., thrifty, perhaps? Maybe I just enjoy walking?

Dinner was at a place, which I’ve dined, Frank’s Italian, in the East Village, his suggestion, so I didn’t want to poo poo his plan. He HAD a plan, mind you. The food was delightful; the ambiance was loud.. much louder than when I sat outside by myself talking to two salesmen from Oregon and Baltimore. He was razzing me about not remembering ALL of our conversations at the Vodka Bar last week. He revealed some of the lost memories with tales of his smoking and us sharing our admiration for one another.

We walk to a jazz bar a few blocks away; I hold his arm, he strangely stiffens up. What is with that? Why do guys think that if a woman takes an elbow or forearm that they immediately bend there arm so as to keep our hand from falling down? It makes them feel weird or at least stiffen up and walk differently. Sorry. Ok, so we sit outside on a bench in the now warming evening… a glass of booze, to which he claims not to be a lush.. oh!! We ended up at the jazz bar since I declined his offer to go back to his place to have a drink. Really? Is that where the night was going? ‘Cause I wasn’t feeling it go there. We had just spoken over dinner about how he didn’t kiss meon the 1st couple dates because he liked me but wasn’t sure that there was interest on my part so he HAD to kiss me on the 4th date or there wasn’t going to be a 5th date at all. “I wasn’t going to waste my time if we hadn’t kissed that night” he said to me. “Really? ‘Cause the difference I liked about you was that you didn’t shove your tongue down my throat on the 1st meeting”, I replied. THIS was our dinner conversation. Really? do you think I’m going home with you?

Our evening ends with him waiving down a cab and putting us into it. “2 stops” he says.. his, then mine, claiming he forgot I had moved to the Village.. ok! Again, asking if I was going to come over. I say “another time” and he’s off with a slight peck.

Crazy! not a word about seeing each other again. No text or call today.. another thing he told me he didn’t like was talking onthe phone nor my delayed responses in text. “replies should be immediate with texts” were his words. Wow, really? Not sure I’m liking him as much right now. Think that sex thing is the main thing on his brain and not getting to know me… that’s too bad… really.

 

change of plans.. Shakespeare switch to lunch from dinner


“When do I get to see you again?” he asked. He was free the days I was not and vice-versa so we settled on a tentative dinner after an Improv show I wanted to attend, following a class I was going to take with Tom Soter. It was HOT!! Soooooooooooo hot, steamy, stagnant and sticky! We touched base a couple of times and he was a go for the show but through the texts and apparently my poor sales pitch.. he decided another day was better than squeezing in time later than one would want dinner. 930p meet up since I hadn’t had time to get home and change from the thickness of the day.

I actually was a bit bummed that he chose not to come to the show but to stay home and cook dinner. He later told me that he would’ve invited me over but didn’t want to be too presumptuous and I thanked him for that. Still would’ve preferred to be seen than heard. We spoke on the phone while he finished preparations of seafood and accouterments and I walked the streets of the UWS to find some grub.

We agreed on lunch for the next day if appointments made it possible and they did.

I was looking forward to seeing him and didn’t want him to feel I wasn’t interested but had already made plans for the nights he suggested. Sushi. On my block. At the very place I went with Toes-guy a week before, Kodoma. We chatted about the show he missed and the one I will be doing next week since I was asked by the teacher to join it and as flattered as that makes me, it scares the shit out of me, too. I feel supported by him and that he has a genuine interest in who I am. Refreshing! He looks great every time I’ve seem him. Glad there was a tiny mouth peck at the end of this one. 3 down… smiling so far!

cousin-guy texts again..


Just a couple of texts and a phone call wondering when we can meet up again. I’m just not that interested in him, I guess. The lack of passion when he kissed me before and the way too recent break up from a 3+ relationship make me think.. the young one and I are not on the same page. I’m about 10 years older and though he’s a mover and a shaker, moving to LA.. I’m thinking Shakespeare-guy is winning out so far. That’s my new standard. 3 dates and not a tongue down my throat!

#10 Shakespeare-Guy


I misjudged the time and was of course.. 25 minutes late, huffing and puffing through the heat of Central Park. He’s dressed from work, reading outside and calm as could’ve hope for. He razzes me for walking not riding the subway and not giving out my number which is still a “rule” I have for the most part.

He brought me a glass of white wine while we sat under a tree outside of Central Park’s Boathouse and the rain fell from the heavens! Like buckets were being poured on a spill to wash away evidence. It was BEAUTIFUL and unexpected. The thunder shook the windows as we all scurried to take cover  in the now exceptionally crowded bar waiting for the calm to reappear.

The clouds parted and we walked through the Rambles, which memories of brought shivers to the nape of my neck and a knowing smile to my cheek. He’s come from work ; blue dress shirt and slacks seem natural on him. We ordered another glass of wine to complement the brie I stopped for extending my tardiness and into the Delacorte theater we went. He got tickets from his work . Which means he has a bit of clout.. or no one else wants to see the show. A nice touch nonetheless.

Introducing me to some business associates as we took our seats in the front row of the middle, second section, I felt like a grown up in a world where I belonged. I snapped a picture for which I was reprimanded at intermission being asked to erase it and show her the evidence. “It’s of the moon” I explained and with a twinkle, was pardoned. I wasn’t really lying.. the moon WAS in the photo. Tee Hee!!

We enjoyed each other’s playful banter and walked slowly back to the West-side where we’d go our separate ways. And no tongue in my mouth, which is a wonderful way to end a magical evening… just a nice hug. Lovely!