Date1! Punctuality and Tact..


So many more emails than my typical exchange: all within a 3 or so weeks

1st: from HIM..(5’10, artist, computer guy with own company, grew up in Missouri, now lives in NYC for the last 3 years. can’t tell since some of the pics are older and blurry but from what I can see.. light eyes, great smile, hair-darkish blond?)

“For someone who says they’re looking for…”Someone who remembers to take a breath”, I almost lost all mine READ, READ, READING your profile.  😉
And chivalry and courting are not dead.  However, I do believe they have been dismissed by many as old fashioned or lost ways of the past.  But I disagree with those notions.  I believe in respecting tradition and that includes a man vyinig for the attention and affection of a woman he desires completely.  (And those last three words are key.  If a man does not have his heart-head-soul aligned in his pursuit, his attempts and motivation will be hollow and fall flat.)
I actually truly enjoyed the spirit, depth, honesty, wisdom and femininity of your words.  Although, I don’t know if I am much of a sleuth and may not have deciphered your riddle of an email precisely.  So I will keep it (relatively) short.
Hope you had an amazing weekend.  I just wanted to say hi.
and after a field of sunflowers sent… with a thank you from me…
his next email:”I find myself nodding in agreement with the thoughtfulness and wisdom in your profile.   I too enjoy meeting new people but it has been some time that I have felt the “spark that ignites”.I related to this statement completely: “…comfort in self, creativity and challenges to me live each day more free to be me.”  I believe in the concept of two strong ones coming together to form a better one but never losing their oneness.  (Wow, that sounded like a line out of a Dr. Seuss book.  😉   I want to always be open to change for the better, learning things I don’t / can’t understand and forever become and remain  both teacher and student.Listening has unfortunately suffered the same fate as chivalry – neglect.  As one of my mentors once said, …”You have two ears and one mouth for a reason.”  But hearing and listening are often confused.  Most people hear in order to cue up their next thought or question.  Listening takes time – time to absorb, ponder, consider, and internalize.  I know I have “listened” if I can repeat what I heard.  There was a time when I thought the phrase – “Be present” – was some kind of California hippy lingo.  But the more I grow, learn and understand, the more potent and important that phrase becomes.  To listen requires being fully present.Hope you are having a great day/week.  There is much depth and thought in your words.  I have enjoyed reading, and re-reading.  Always something new in each return.

ME: thanks for hearing them…

How’s your day treating you, Oh wise-one?

HIM:

Looking forward to a nice relaxing weekend.  Any big plans?
What did you see/experience today that made you smile?”
ME:
“I found some old letters from friends.. back in the day when writing was an art form and people took the time to show each other that they meant something in their lives… I know mail is an immense pleasure in my life, though sometimes I forget, especially now, in the instant sterile, gratification-tech world, that others enjoyed this simple pleasure as well.

This weekend my great Aunt is throwing a surprise party for her husband who is throwing a surprise party for her on the same day… So.. lots of  family… You?

Hoping “they” go easy on you today… It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood…

What lessons are you using today that you learned from someone special?

oh.. AND I wake up every morning to a picture my unofficial Goddaughter painter when she was 5 years old.. before she new how to draw arms :)”
HIM:

“Funny you should mention hand-written letters.  I was watching a documentary on Vincent Van Gogh where all of the dialog, and recreated scenes were captured from actual letters written by Vincent to his brother and dealer Theo, or fellow artists.  They were able to reconstruct a very vivid image of his life, his mental state and how they affected his work and the evolution of his style.  It led me to lament the loss of tangible letters both from the standpoint of demonstrating a commitment on the part of both the writer and reader (and those who processed and transported the letter) and the archival-historical perspective.  We type into a box, it transfers over wires, gets stored temporarily and then eventually deleted.  Sad.  Perhaps I am more of a traditionalist ludite.  Ironic that I am in digital marketing.
Someone special lesson…I had an email in response all queued up to a colleague that had rised my ire a bit.  As per an old friend and mentor..”Always remember that business is not emotional.  When you are going to send an email that feels good but might be riddled with emotion, sleep on it and revise next day.  And if you are in a conversation that is going sideways, it’s amazing what clarity can be gained from a single walk around the block.”
I deleted the email draft this am.  He called and apologized and we had a great laugh.  Done.
(Makes me sound like a hot-head.  I’m not.  But, it is great advice and has served me well.)
What is your perspective on rain?
This weekend,… a lot of wobbling and hopping about.  I had knee surgery on Monday.  On crutches for a few weeks.  Doc wants me to lay low this weekend.  Trying to take his advice. So,…reading, sorting photos, some art work…not very exciting.  I would much rather go to a 70-year olds double surprise party.  😉
(this is long. so much for tiny thoughtfulnesses.)
ME:you are not, as it seems, a man of few words so I’d expect nothing less, Hop-along.. torn ACL, PCL? old football injury? 😉 so a few weeks on crutches and 6 of PT? ahhh, none of it sounds pleasurable. How do crutches mesh with the rain? or a walk-up? sheesh!Speaking of… the rain?… depending upon my mood, where I am when it begins and what I’m up to next, I guess. There’s little that can top the stillness as the drops slide down the panes; or the tip tap drip while cuddled cozy in the brisk breeze, passing in and out of dreamland; the bright colors that form when clouds break the sunlight. Is there thunder? mmmm… the anticipation.. 1 1000, 2 1000, 3 1000….mmmm 🙂 Or did you mean.. getting caught about in the bitterness with only shorts and a tank cause the weatherman was mistaken? yup.. all depends on the mood, where and what. Care to specify further? (;How’s sorting treating ya? Feel like a caged animal, yet?And tiny or grandiose… thoughtful just is, Mr. McLaughlin…

Have you ever told the lesson giver that you heard him?

Some cousins have arrived with more pouring in… should make for a fabulous photo op.. I’ll report back.

HIM:”Hope the family festivities have been fun.Ahh,… the knee.I originally hurt in playing hockey.  It was sore from time to time but not too debilitating.   But then while in Ireland I got stuck inside the Guinness brewery storage area while taking photos late at night and ended up having to scale a stone wall and jump off.  (Long story better shared over a drink or two.) After that is was jacked.  It clanked, clunked, stung and throbbed.  I got back to NY and had an MRI.  Turns out a 3cm chip was dislodged and was wreaking havoc on my gears.  They went in to pull out the chip and try to replace the divot.  We’ll see how it goes.  Sucks getting old. ;-)Thankfully I have an elevator in my building.  They are in the process of fixing the stairs in my building and the stairwells are a disaster. I’m pretty sure one morning, improperly caffeinated, it would have ass over elbows one morning for me and back to the doc for more repairs.

Sorting is starting to get me cross-eyed.  I thought I had done a fairly good job keeping my past photos in some semblance of order.  Some gremlins must have gotten into the external hard drive and had a good laugh mixin’ ’em all up again.

I never did tell that man who taught me the lesson.  He is the same man who freaked out when I told him I was leaving his firm and came after me with a bunch of lawyers and threats.  He thought I was planning to steal his clients.  I promised him no such thing was in the works – in fact, we would probably want to partner with his firm once we were set up.  He demanded my business plan.  I refused.  He has never spoken with me again.  Sad really.

By rain, I meant ,… That melancholy moment when you’re staring out a window and see the first fresh drops darken the sidewalks. That moment that you the rain is coming down so hard it sounds like applause and you just get under an awning and stand in awe of the power of nature to cleanse itself.  That moment when you see the red blob advancing on the radar map and you take just a moment to think about how precious life is, yet how delicate. That moment standing looking up in a tropical downpour soaked to the bone laughing completely and viscerally without a hint of hesitation because you’re so happy just to be there, and be there with him.

Thoughtful, just is.

HIM Again.. (as I waited 1 day to respond..)

“Was it something I said?
…didn’t say?
…should have said?
I hope you’re well.  I miss your messages.”
ME:

“Have some things to take care of here and wanted enough time to write a proper response…
so the Guiness story is a MUST with of all things.. a Guiness in hand… I’m in LA until Tuesday, maybe next week?… Not too early though, as I wouldn’t want to be the one that caused the somersault and hospital trip 😉 ouch!!!
you know it’s only too late to say thank you, I love you or I’m sorry when you thought you had more time… just saying. To KNOW the last moment you’ll ever see someone, talk to them, hear their laugh, their smile…? We don’t often get this chance. And as we live our lives.. we just think people are going to live and we’ll have the chance to see them again and tell them. Fears keep up from doing what our love asks us to. (patent pending). My dad had hamstring surgery a few weeks back and his knee next week.. and as he was laying around, asking his girlfriend to do for him he was reminded of all the surgeries that came before, when my mom was the caretaker; all the aggravation and irritation, frustration, taking for granted.. etc.. and he felt himself start to build though catching himself before he erupted at the one person who was now there for him 24/7.. he recognized the torture he put my mom through, the unnecessary agony and pain and he called my mom, 25 years later…  to let her know. He did it with an old business partner from 30 or so years ago as well. Just recognizing that he could’ve done something differently if he had a few more tool in the belt AND letting the other person know it. He’s getting wiser in his old age 😉
the double surprise party was a success. Just spending a few minutes with each of my cousins, young and older is precious. I have a large family, in my eyes… and don’t see them even an 18th as much as might so when the chance comes to see them all at once.. I jump!
mmmm rain…”
HIM:
“Hi. 

 

No worries.  Hope everything is ok.  And, sometimes just a hi can be an absolutely perfect response.  Glad you’re well.

 

I could not agree more with your philosophical passage below.  We often think time will always avail itself, or the perfect moment will appear like in a Hollywood movie and we will have the opportunity to play out the scene with honor or at least some semblance of decorum.  But tough moments – I don’t know, I am/was a fool/idiot/jerk/bi___,  I love you,  I’m sorry… – are driven by the spirit and a mind/heart that is aware, clear and willing.  Making the time and the effort takes guts, but it’s inspiration is not a reflex but a reflection – a quiet thoughtful introspection that is not just in the moment, but is a long time in the making as one tries to understand life’s true meaning, make an effort to change, and committed owning a light, clean soul.

The weather here is LA-like.  A bit muggier than your Manhattan Beach of course. Makes for getting around on crutches a bit more of a workout.  But hey, better than 24 inches of snow, 50 mile an hour winds and ice patches on the sidewalks.  I’ll take this weather any day.

So,…next week sounds great.  Only day I am unable to do anything is Thursday.  How about Wed?

Maybe we will get caught in the rain.  Either way,…you’ll get the full Guinness tale.”

(somehow I didn’t feel I believed him… a bit passive aggressive, maybe?)
ME:
“Wednesday sounds wonderful… yay guiness-tales!!”
HIM:

“Morning.
How is LA?  Big plans for the long weekend?
Looking forward to Wed night for Guinness Tales.  How does 7pm work for you?  And, what neighborhood works best for you?  If you give me an area, I will pick a spot.
I work in Flatiron and live in Soho.  I can get anywhere.  And am semi- mobile with the crutches.  ;-(
Do I ask enough questions?
Be safe this weekend.”
ME:
LA.. Is… Lots of family dealings, phew! I am on my way to a camp @ the moment in Cambria, Ca for the long weekend.. Bella bella. Very limited internet access and don’t know if I can charge my phone.. So, brief.. :)Hell’s kitchen but I am mobile and wherever… sounds wonderful, thanks for planning it.I’m back to civilazation on monday. Hope you have a wonderful weekend, hopalong :)”
HIM:
“Just a quick note to say hello.
It is a drizzly but muggy morning in NYC.  So quiet as the masses have all loaded up the sunscreen and flip flops and flocked to the beach.
Hope you’re having a good time with family out in the west.
Looking forward to Wed.  I will pick a spot and let you know.
Until then.”
ME:
“Morning…

Just got in off the red-eye. headed to bed. Let me know about plans tonight… see you when my eyes are open.
:)”
HIM:

Good Morning,…uh, I mean, Evening..
Hope you slept well.  (And you have AC.  😉
I was thinking we could meet at a place called Park @ 118 10th Ave (18th Street)
I’ve never been before and thought it looked interesting. Let me know if that works.
7:30?
Looking forward to it.  Just in case,…my cell is …xxx xxx xxxx”
ME:
“Sounds like a plan. I’ll look for the gimp 😉 730p”
AND with all sincerity.. I was LATE! my fault.. I thought it a better idea after trudging through the hot, muggy streets of Manhattan ALL DAY long… I would shower. And the shower turned into a bit of a dittle (I was going to meet a very sensitive, articulate man whom which Ive been exchanging emails with for almost a month, I thought it was in order! sue me!!) so when I finally figured out which train and where to stand on the train, since that it VERY important at some stops. If you’re in the front you could arrive 2 blocks before the back of the train AT the same station stop. so a few blocks to walk after the train stopped and I was there.. 12 minutes late! He was easy to find as his crutches were standing proud! “hello!” I said with a smile, “sorry I’m late..”. Yay, I guess punctuality isn’t a priority for you.” was his response as he attempted to almost care to stand and give me a hug. (bum leg and all, I got it.) “really? clocked in my brain as I smiled and played off that I was new and stood in the wrong part of the train. “How new?” he grimmest. “Today.” I replied, “I got here on the red-eye.. welcome me”! I smiled with an almost curtsy.
and as I watched his distasted form in his eye rolling, his head whipped around every time a woman walked by. I was amused as he either didn’t care that I saw this or that he oblivious to his own behavior. Either way.. the guy that I had enjoyed email exchanges with… was grayer than his picture and almost curt, like he was so put off by me not living up to his expectation of what he fantasied about for the month which is precisely why I don’t prefer long email exchanges and will not under most circumstances give out my number to someone I have not met. The false reality we put ourselves into, forming our own idea of what we believe this other person should be, while all the while… mostly being disappointed as our fantasy is greater than the reality… after a bunch of small talk with no real reason for staying… we walked out where he said… “OK, well, take care! We’ll talk soon, be in touch!” REALLY guy? do you think we;re really  going to be in touch? Why do people say that they will “be in touch?” or “talk soon” when ther eis no real interest in doing so? Now this goes for both sides.. Women often give out their numbers (sometimes correct, sometimes not) when they have no intention of answering the phone IF the guy actaully calls. AND guys often, out of politeness maybe? Ask for a number at the end of a date with no intention of calling. why can’t we just be honest? “hey, it was great meeting you, thanks for the time.” and either leave it at that or even more to the point.. ” I don’t see this going any further!” Why are our egos or our desires to be known as the cool chick or not the a-hole our for-fronting factors? I knew he wasn’t interested the second his fantasy was broken with the reality of me, curly hair instead of straight, which he obviously fixated on as he commented that he liked the straight hair picture the best. Great!! then live in that false reality and hobble your way into your dark hole! 1 down… NEXT!! you salty-gimpy-dog 🙂

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