oh, Geez, here we go-
I apologize if I am bugging you or intruding on your space. There are some things that are bugging me that I wanted to come clean about. Yes, I understand this is about ‘me’ so I will explain things from the perspective of taking culpability about it as best as I can.
I will acknowledge that I have been triggered. And being triggered I made some comments and behaviors that were not necessary. Sometimes dogs that have been without a leash for a while don’t know how to handle food been given to them freely. They will growl with a sense of mistrust. Sometimes when they see other dogs that have been without a leash as well, strange miscommunication happens.
There was a point after our third date in which I had a wonderful time, that a shift occurred in me. It felt unusual and almost highly euphoric (which I don’t get that way). Problems can occur when correct communication cannot clearly define the situation. I then came to you describing this thing that has left me feeling ‘vulnerable’. From my assessment, you seemed to be going through something as well as you had a reaction to that emotion, thus labeling it ‘vulnerable boy’ and removing future dates.
I have been going through monumental shifts lately, even previous to meeting you and I feel that on some level that the ‘universe’ has been going through some stuff as well. Recently I have been talking to my more intuitive friends and we have agreed ‘there is some change going on’. That doesn’t justify my actions but it may provide a backdrop to the emotional landscape as you have indicated that you were also not feeling well. And I do consider you to be a highly empathic individual.
So yes I did make comments about your second date appearance. I did make comments about your phone etiquette. I did not need to make those comments. I apologize. That is your business. I do not know you but there was something about your vibration that I clearly identified with and made me feel comfortable. As to the comment on our second date, “I do not have to think about getting along with you.”
Sometimes we live so long without love in its various forms that we don’t know how to trust it’s opening. And like I said, previous to you I have been working on cracking my shell. I decided that I no longer wanted to live without love. I prayed for a companion but I realized that would be shortsighted as to the real goal would be to LOVE all unconditionally. I have been loving selectively and living with shortsightedness.
Since my association with you and ‘our’ unique vibration (I don’t know what to call it C. You may have not felt it, but I am describing it from my experience) I then began to research modalities of negotiation in ‘loving’. Quite typically there are reactions and aversions to ‘controlling’ and ‘doormat’ scenarios. Meaning, that if we have been treated like a doormat in the past, we then resort to a controlling nature which is a opposite polarity. Unfortunately, this action also does not find true balance. That C, is ultimately why I am writing to you.
Somehow when people ‘vibrate’ they vibrate out of their ‘pain bodies’. From my recent research, Eckhart Tolle (who I am sure you know) said we all carry pain bodies. I know you said in a conversation that you are not afraid of getting hurt. I have found that as humans, we all have fear regarding love scenarios. So my explanation is there are reactions and aversions you and I are having due to those vibrations (which I can go into detail later). You may also have a situation that is unaccounted for that I have no knowledge of, such as a current lover, work, etc. I am only assessing what is on the table from my limited perspective.
I am sorry I did not hear from you as I wanted the chance to explain what I have learned. I understand you not returning the call. Moreover, I do not want to contribute to a reinforcement of your pain body. So I am truly sorry if I have triggered you in some way or have shown you some level of being undervalued. I really appreciated your energy and you being a very attractive female. Cute!!
If I die tomorrow, I feel good that I left it all ‘on the table’ with this letter instead of beating around the goddamned dating barbed wire. Hope you understand my situation. And I hope it gives you clarity.
I am open to your thoughts and suggestions. I will possibly be opening a 1-800 customer service number to field your calls. ?”
uh?????? um????? oh.. pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease, let me date you..pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaassssssssssssssssssssssseeeeeeeeee?????