It’s nice to see him . My body gets a bit moist as I know he’s on his way. I wait outside but have to pee bacly so Igo next door and notice that bright red blood is tormenting me. This is the WRONG  time for my period to come early!! Shit! shit, shit,shit!!

He’s made it in and is standing at my door when I finally get up the stairs.  I’m not sure how I feel about this.. Maybe we can go for a walk? He closes his eyes and kisses me placing a green glass bead in my right hand.

TG: It’s the one I made for you, I hope you love it!

super sweet that he did that!

TG: You make me nervous.

we sit on the couch

ME: Why?

TG: I’m not sure.

his head down, embarrassed.

ME: Still?

TG: Maybe more shy, I’m shy around you when I first see you.

he takes a deep breath

ME: OK.

I smile.

He tells me he was a few minutes late becuase he was getting a massage up the street at an Asian place.

TG: I’m not sure if they were any good”

ME: Why not?

TG: It really hurt.

ME: Really? What kind did you get?

TG: I thought Thai. I couldn’t get to China town to the one you were talking about.

ME: Well, sometimes massage hurts. Breaks up toxins.

TG: She climbed up on the table

ME: yea..

TG: and dug her elbow into me. I don’t think she knew what she was doing.

ME: Did she stand on you and hold onto some bars while walking on you?

TG: No, she just pushed really hard into one spot then another.

ME: Ouch!

TG: Yeah, then since I was waiting for you, she asked if I wanted 10 more minutes on my thighs.

ME: ok

TG: Then she turned me over and rubbed my thighs.

ME: ok?

TG: then she asked if I wanted 5 more minutes on my feet so I said ok… then she put her hand down my pants and…

ME: oh. ok.. and you let her?

TG: well..

ME: you didn’t say, “hey what happened to my feet?”

TG: no..

ME: so did you let her finish?

TG: uh, yea

ME:  Ok. Well, did it say “we don’t do that” on a sign or something?

TG: What sign?

ME: Was ther a sign that said “no special services? or no happy endings” or anything?

TG:  No, there wasn’t a sign. But I could go again,

he smiled as he gently kissed me

TG: and you seem like you could use it.

ME: I’m waiting to see if my period is going to start in a few minutes or not.

TG: Well, we better get it in quick!

we giggled. It kinda turned me on a bit…

ME: Well, you better be able to go again being that you’re young and you just had a great massage. with a full body release! and I didn’t even get my hands dirty!” I smirked as I climbed on top of him.

It’s kinda like living back as a 25 yr old, with the thought of  “this is as good as it will be so enjoy it while it’s here. If he had been my boyfriend with the expectation of a future and the containment of a conventional relationship.. then I might have been upset having some other woman touching my man but it was a story he was sharing with me and since we are just having fun, I feel I can her this stuff and also be totally honest with him. I asked him about this relationship with the guy he stays with while he’s in NY, if he’s ever sucked a guy’s dick, why he’s done modelling for gay magazines, how it makes him feel; we talked about how sometimes he’s so in his head that it makes it difficult to connect with him , like he’s a bit vacant. He told me that a girl broke up with him for that reason saying he was “unavailable”, we laughed about his high pitched voice and talked about how he cold “put some bass in it” and most of that was in the shower! Freeing! No holds, no expectation, the freedom to be me.

Reminds me of the first time I fell in love! I was 26 and he was 23? We met while we were both traveling in Australia and he asked me when I felt completely comfortable with him. What was the moment? I said it was when we were in Tasmania plaing cards in the tent. It was broad daylight and we were naked, cross legged playing gin or fish with other campers walking around and talking over us but we were just content, letting it all hang out!

Now I’m not saying that my brief time with Toes-Guy is really anything like that, but it does remind me of the unabridged version of me that I found back then. Toes-guy welcomes my questions and answers truthfully and honestly, even thanking me for bringing some things up for it helps him grow! It’s not a pickiness in the slightest, more a curiosity that I have or insecurities that he makes beautiful! Like him humoring my poignant talk of him calling himself a man instead of a boy. “If it makes you feel better, I’m a man” he said, smiling. “You ARE a man with super intelligence and passion that a boy doesn’t have. Be proud of that… AND it does make me feel better, yes! I bow my head. He has a degree in Bio-medical Engineering and one in Math, that’s a smart man with goals of family and invention while making this world a better, more ecofriendly,  24 hours a day, place. He loves watching our bodies move together and who wouldn’t love watching those stomach muscles tighten with each thrust! Hoo HA!! He lets me play and be free! I need that right now.. ok, always!! I have lots to learn from him, too.