After months of not hearing from him at all… he’s appeared and I’m pissed off!! I get a text “Hi. Hope you’re well” to which I respond “Thanks, who is this by the way. My phone didn’t give me the contact info”. “P.D. your fav buddy” and this shoots daggers out my eye balls!! I don’t respond. Another text from him a few hours later with :(( sad faces and still no response from me. Another the following day “well, anyway… we are shooting a wonderful film in LA and I thought you’d be perfect for it. My blood curdled!! and I just lay into him.. “Thanks. But really I have heard that offer from you too many times over the years and unfortunately you have never honored that. I’m not interested in keeping up dialog with you. I don’t trust it, sorry. I would have loved to have done any one of the films you told me about throughout the years or claimed to be writing parts for me in if I thought you were treating it is a business endeavor, P. That was how we met over 6 years ago, if you remember… Business!! Which just turned out to be inappropriate communication while you were with your girlfriend, turned fiance, then cheating on your wife. I don’t want any part of that. Which is why I erased your number from my phone.” OHHHH I was pissed offfffff!!!
“huh?” I thought you’d be wonderful? and my number got erased? Totally confused. Last time I saw you… we had a nice visit at Aroma Cafe on sunset. Haven’t see you or talked to you since 😦 ” 4 hours later… because I did not respond.. “Soooo did I do something to make you mad?
2 days later… “god bless” from him and that was it!!
What pisses me off is that there is still that part of me that wants to believe that he will do the right thing and follow through on all the promises he made throughout the years. He;s written, directed and produced 20 films since we met. 20 FILMS!!! and asked me to or claimed to have written parts that never materialized in 4 of them. And it SUCKS!!! Because maybe with all this time passed… a few years.. MAYBE he WOULD actually do right! My hope for that to be the truth is what makes me sooooo angry! But every time we saw each other it would be followed by weeks, months of texts from him telling me how much he missed me or that he was in love with me or that if I had ever told him I had feelings for him, he would never have gotten married, that she meant nothing to him.. GROSS!!!!! It is sooooo sleazy it makes my stomach turn! And even more because we actually got along sooo well that if we had met under different circumstances, I would have loved to have been in a relationship with him but when we met I was just barely out of a super sad breakup and he had a girlfriend, which didn’t seem to stop him in the slightest as even sitting at our first lunch, which I thought was to talk about his projects and my place in them, he texted my phone… sitting with him… how much he was attracted to me. It made me sooo uncomfortable but the hope that he would make good on his words, the fragile vulnerability I was feeling and the actual “connection: of friendship we were establishing, kept me around.. at a distance, mind you, but around all the same. I always felt bad for his now wife… knowing that he could have such strong feelings for someone else, me and still marry her. God, I hope he’s treated her well because he didn’t speak too wonderfully about her.. nothing negative but rather an indifference and I never wanted to be thought of that way by anyone!
OHHHHH I wish it could have been different! ALL of it!! Fuck!! and Fuck off!!!
Am I actually building boundaries or just carrying around old anger?