baggage guy… did I say too much?


Sometimes I have a bad days!! Should I have answered the phone when he called??? probably not!! Not my best move when getting to know someone but I did and venting a bit about my day and felt better for it but probably left him feeling less satisfied with it and me than I was in the end. Arrrrrrghhh!!! shifting my energy and the moon and it’s phases and pulls and thrusting, spiraling in many directions and few are in positive control at the moment. Pooo! Fuck!!  Ahhh!! Oh, well… if he’s scared off by THAT?? then there’s nothing more to say! Doubt he’s scared but our schedules are not congruent at the moment with him back home in NY and me here, now in LA with the added stressors I put on myself since no one is forcing them on me, it’s interpretation and coping with perceived actual reality. I don’t feel really connected to him though that is me and my perception since he’s just going about his merry way and his happy, charming life. He prefers texting and I would rather talking so I guess when he does call… I shouldn’t spoo a list of crap at him which he has no context for or knowledge since most nothing has to do with him except that sometimes I feel disconnected and needy but burdening someone I’ve really known for less than 3 weeks with that… maybe not the best idea! Hope he calls back! And doesn’t think I’m a huuuuuge freak and that we are still doing whatever he planned for us for tomorrow when he comes into town. And if not… oh, well! Well, now I’m lying.. cause I’d like to see him. He usually makes me smile…when he’s connected to me at least! I mean I know he was traveling last weekend but I heard more from him when we were both traveling than when he’s been back and I DO get it with all the events he’s put on and meetings and such but a little shout out isn’t a difficult task to keep the interest and spark alive, especially when the anticipation can build beautifully… OK.. can we say.. EXPECTATION?? Yeah! I’m fucked!

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